Preparing for Divorce Court

Although it is highly preferable to arrive at a legal separation agreement or divorce settlement through some form of mediation, there are times when a couple cannot reach an agreement and the case simply must go to trial.

If you decide to have a trial, you must first fully realize that it is unlikely to be an easy divorce. Additionally, with lawyer’s fees on the rise, say goodbye to the idea of having a low cost divorce and to thousands of dollars of your hard-earned money. Be prepared to postpone your life after divorce for another year, and possibly longer. In some states, judges have been known to take more than a year to even assign a court date.

The following divorce advice may help you know what to expect when you take your case to divorce court:

Remember that a divorce trial is public. Be on time and try to behave with dignity. Resist the temptation to get angry and emotional.

Be honest with your lawyer and with the court. Knowing that you are acting with full integrity will give you confidence when making your appeals
Work with your lawyer as a team to create a winning strategy.

Join a support group. Doing this will help you to work out the emotional stuff outside of the courtroom and outside of your lawyer’s consultation time.

Dress conservatively. Keep your appearance well-groomed, simple and light.
Avoid extravagance.

Speak clearly and audibly. If your words cannot be heard by everyone in the courtroom, you may be asked to repeat what you said.

Coping with divorce is often more difficult for those who need to have a trial. If there is still a possibility for mediation, do your best to work with your spouse and with both of your attorneys. At best, the professionals that you and your spouse hired are trying to offer their best divorce help to all concerned.

Nathan Dawson writes for http://www.lifeaftermarriage.com a great online source for finance information.

September 25th, 2008

Stop Divorce: “Should You Try To Stop Your Divorce If You’re Just Thinking About Getting A Divorce?”

Thinking about getting a divorce doesn’t necessarily mean that you should try to stop your divorce. Conversely, it could be wise to try to s top your divorce, only you know whether you should. Just because you’re thinking about getting a divorce, doesn’t necessarily mean that you should try to stop your divorce, although its logical to automatically assume so.

In order to be clear that you really want to stop your divorce if you’re thinking about getting a divorce, you should use any or all of the following steps to make that determination:

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 1: Examine why you’re thinking about getting a divorce and clearly define and outline those reasons.

This is a vital part of determining whether you really do want to stop your divorce. It is easy to naturally think you should get a divorce if feel empty, confused, alone, frustrated, etc. But do yourself a favor, figure out what actually has you feeling like you do and write it down. Only then will you be able to decide whether you should make a serious effort trying to stop your divorce.

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 2: Determine if guilt is seemingly forcing you to think about wanting to stop your divorce of if there’s something inside you that really wants to stop the divorce.

Guilt can play a factor when you’re thinking about getting a divorce, don’t let it be the determining factor for wanting to stop your divorce. If guilt is the major reason that you want to stop your divorce, sit down and re-think everything. Ask yourself if you’ll feel sorry for your spouse because you know how he or she will react to your decision to get a divorce. You will know if guilt is swaying you one way or another.

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 3: Use projection to foresee how how your spouse will react if you try to stop your divorce.

You know whether your spouse will be please or disgruntled if you try to stop your divorce. You have an idea of how he or she will react if you try to patch things up and avoid a divorce. If your spouse will react positively if you try to stop your divorce, you should be happy. You may have a chance to make it work. But, if your spouse will react harshly to efforts to stop your divorce, you should ask yourself why. Figure out what your spouses motivations would be for reacting negatively and determine whether or not its still worth trying to stop your divorce or if you should just develop a plan to part amicably.

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 4: Think about what your life would be like if you tried to stop your divorce and compare that scenario with what your currently going through.

Figure out what you want out of the situation and decide what you want your future to look like. If you feel that your life will worsen by trying to stop your divorce, maybe you should re-think what your planning. If you feel that you’d like to at least try to stop your divorce, even if its for selfish reasons, then take comfort in the fact that you’ve at least made the decision to act. Also, ask yourself whether or not the life you want is with your spouse, even if everything turned out exactly the way you planned for it and you were able to stop your divorce.

Ask yourself, “Even if I implement this plan and manage to stop my divorce, is this really the person I want to spend my life with?” The answer to this question will help you determine your course of action.

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 5: Implement your plan of action to either stop your divorce or plan to get a divorce.

Nothing will change if you don’t act. Now that you’ve decided to work it out or get a divorce, set a plan in motion with your true end goal in mind. If you want to get a divorce, do what you need to in order to get what you need out of the situation…be amicable. You do not want to look back later on and feel like you didn’t act in a mature fashion.

If you truly want to stop your divorce, use the right resources to determine the best course of action to do that. Divorce is serious, you should make certain for your sake and for your spouse’s sake that you did all you could to stop your divorce…and be happy about it!

© Karl Augustine, 2005
“A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce”
Deciding on Divorce

Stop Divorce

September 21st, 2008

Realy terrific computers to be won at Dutch Windeprijsvraag.nl this year

Online promotions advertised as online contests, yet, can require an entry fee or license of purchase.

The Dutch translation says: Leeft u in Schiedam of Stede Broec en wil je veel prijzen winnen’ Met Windeprijsvraag winnen is nergens zo eenvoudig. Leuke prijzen winnen met de website windeprijsvraag.nl‘ Vaak 180 prijzen per week. Van Velsen tot Twenterand, met Win de prijsvraag.nl winnen gaat hier altijd. Een meneer van 42 heeft deze week nog een vakantie in de wacht gesleept.

7 hours ago also a European web company started a fun website and is also legally absolutely different. Internet sweepstakes are also legally completely different from the fun websites in Chesapeake Virginia. Cyber sweepstakes and online actions are proscribed from requiring a buy to enter. Funny online contests are treated much more indifferently than the conquerors who are not chosen by run of risk but by an fine piece of special. Really anyone can win marvelous cash prizes now every 15 weeks even if you live in Dallas Texas or in Danville Virginia, isn’t that absolutely fantastic. That’s why there are really great Ipods to win at online game contest and online sweepstakes this week. Many more online game contests are choosing to enter online easy sweepstakes. Sweepstakes are generally much lighter and faster to enter than contest websites. Entering online sweepstakes by mail is slumping in well known popularity at this present. That should be great to win BMWs worth 1405 euro and that simple.

September 19th, 2008

How to Help Someone Fall in Love with You or at Least Like You a Lot

Imagine, for a moment, your ideal partner. He or she may not have been part of any of the relationships you have experienced so far. On the other hand, the person you imagine may be your spouse or significant other. The “who” is not important for this exercise. Now imagine that ideal person’s face as you want it to look. Does it have a smile or a scowl?

If you said it has a scowl, make an appointment with me fast! And not because I wear a scowl, but because you need help.

Whom Do We Choose…And Who Chooses Us?

Most of us want the significant relationship in our life to be someone who genuinely smiles a lot, whose eyes sparkle, who is filled with fun energy, and who is someone we consider to be “good company”. Of course, this is not enough foundation for building a lifelong healthy relationship, but it is a start. It is the ability to smile, to have fun and to involve others that help to attract the opposite sex.

Smiling Is A Vital Social Cue

Smiling is one of the first things we do as conscious humor beings - beings who are born with a sense of humor. An infant smiles, perhaps without knowing why, to say that it is non-threatening. It is a gesture of reassurance. It says “I will not hurt you, and you should not hurt me. I am of good humor.”

What works for us as infants also works as adults. If men want to attract women, or women want to attract men, what is the first thing they do when their eyes meet? They smile - perhaps shyly, perhaps hardly noticeably, maybe it’s just a slight facial twitch. But the message is clear: “I like what I see and I hope you will like me.” It is the initial tentative step in any friendly relationship.

Of course, one smile does not guarantee another in return. You might get a scowl. That’s a definite message to keep away. Smiles and scowls are primordial signals of encouragement or warning employed by all mammals and crossing all language barriers.

Take a dog, for instance. If it is pleased to see you, it has a grin from ear to ear and its tail wags crazily. Bared teeth, on the other hand, leave no mistaken impression that you are welcome. One false step and you’ll need a patch in your trousers. We don’t speak “doggish”, though the language is clear. Smiles and scowls avoided fights to the death in prehistoric times - and sometimes do today.

Smiling Is A Precursor To Bigger And Better Things!

So you gaze across a crowded room, smiling for three hours? Clearly, the smile is just the beginning, the message that says: “I am safe to approach,” and implicitly asks the question: “Are you?” An answering smile means at least that there is no danger. Now, you need to follow up in some appropriate fashion.

“I’m in love with you, will you marry me?” is clearly not appropriate. In this respect, we are not like dogs. There is a protocol or acceptable behavior to follow. The next step is to get the other person to like us, and to find out if we like them. Go back to what you want your ideal partner to be like. One of the things most of us want in a relationship is fun - and my special prescription, The Fun Factor is the best way to learn the fun attitude that attracts mates in droves!

That does not mean we want to listen to corny jokes all day. It means pleasurable activity, and the prospect of such activity in a loving relationship.

After the smile, that first approach needs to be relaxed and to relax the other person. Will talking about you do it? Hardly, if that’s how you open a conversation. Do this too soon and you could destroy a potential relationship before it even begins. Why should the other person be interested in you, what you do and what you think? Ask about the other person? That’s better. That person’s life is more likely to be of interest to them than yours is. And when the other person does the talking, they think you are a great conversationalist.

But it’s still too early for that. Starting with a serious conversation is usually a mistake, though it is frequently made.

Becoming Childlike Is The Key To Forming Lasting Healthy Relationships

Why should forming a new relationship be so difficult when it was so easy for us early in our lives? If you need proof of how easy it was, watch two infants able to crawl but not yet able to talk. Listen to the gurgles they make to one another, and the squeals of delight. They have not yet learned embarrassment, shyness, timidity, to be afraid of rejection. No one told them yet to fear others, that some would not be friendly or welcome them.

They can’t talk, but they already know how to have fun with each other.

Watch them when they are four. They will play together for hours, chattering away, inventing games with seemingly unlimited imagination. They form attachments and real friendships. No one taught them how. They just let their curiosity take over. They still have little experience with embarrassment. No one has explained relationships, they simply happen naturally.

You know what? There are no rules other than being natural and having fun. Only when a child enters school, where rules and discipline have to be enforced to maintain order, does innocence start to give way to the realities of a world in which not all is pleasant and fun. Only then, as a rule, are they taught not to speak to strangers because strangers can be dangerous.

The Key To A Great, Healthy Relationship…Become The Person You Desire

The same is true now. There is no cookie-cutter set of rules for attracting the opposite sex. What works for one couple does not work for another. But there are some constants. One of them is to use The Fun Factor to be a fun-loving person, remembering the simplicity and lack of deviousness of small children. An appropriate sense of fun and good humor can be the trigger for that magic spark that can turn into love.

When you have revealed a sense of humor that is attractive to the other person, you will have the opportunity to show that you are also a caring person, kind-hearted, loving, attentive, good parent potential, protective and all the other things in whatever combination is attractive to your potential partner. And you will be able to find out the same things about them. Then, you can become more committed.

But first, you will have to pass the fun test. Is there still a small child in you?

Discover the secrets of a (formerly) stressed-out psychiatrist; Clifford Kuhn, M.D., America’s Laugh Doctor, teaches people and organizations to be more healthy and successful through the use of fun and humor. The former associate chairperson of the University of Louisville’s renowned Department of Psychiatry, Dr. Kuhn dispenses his prescription for turbo-charging your health, success, and vitality from http://www.natural-humor-medicine.com On his website you will find tons of fun, free ways for you to maximize your sense of humor, and enjoy a life others will admire and envy.

September 19th, 2008

Divorce Roadmap: The Route Around the Legal System

Let’s look at how a divorce case works so you can see what you face and how you can beat the legal system. The legal divorce process is similar in all states, but there are two common sets of terms. In this article, I use the first set.

Spouse who starts the divorce = Petitioner or Plaintiff


Document filed = Petition or Complaint


The other spouse = Respondent or Defendant


Document filed (if any) = Response or Answer


Orders for divorce and terms = Judgment or Decree

All divorces start with a Petition and end with a Judgment. The Petition sets out in very general terms what the facts and issues are and what the Petitioner wants. After being filed with the court, it is served on the other spouse to give notice that the case has started. The Petition is a simple, standard document. Filing and serving it is not complicated.

The other spouse can now file a Response if he or she wants to be involved in the legal process. This has to be done within a stated time, typically 30 days after the Petition is served. The Response is similar to the Petition, a simple document that is easy to do. The effect of the Response is simply to get the other spouse into the case on an equal footing with the Petitioner.

If a Response is filed, the case is “contested.” If there is no Response, it is assumed that the Respondent concedes all issues according to the broad terms of the Petition and the case is “uncontested.” If the couple has made a written marital settlement agreement before the Petition is filed, there won’t be any reason for the second spouse to enter the case.

As you can see, there are only three ways you can go through the legal system from Petition to Judgment:

• You go with an attorney through the legal system to trial where a Judge will impose decisions about property, children and support.
• More commonly, you will go through the legal system until your attorney can negotiate an agreement with your spouse’s attorney about property, children and support. Once you have an agreement, all that’s left is a lot of paperwork and red tape.
• Do it yourself. This means that you and your spouse work out an agreement outside the legal system with only limited assistance from attorneys. As you will see from my articles on divorce, doing it yourself has so many advantages that it is by far the best way of all.

Contested and uncontested divorces are dramatically different:

• The uncontested divorce is relatively simple: it goes straight through paperwork and red tape to judgment. Some couples will need to work out a written marital settlement agreement beforehand. A routine appearance in court by Petitioner may be required, but many states, such as California, have simplified procedures that typically don’t require a hearing–uncontested cases are so routine that they don’t want to take up valuable court time with them. That’s all there is to it. With a little help, almost anyone can do their own uncontested divorce.
• Contested divorces are another matter entirely. There are lots of steps in a contested case and each step is quite complex. They include pre-trial motions, discovery, negotiations, manadatory custody mediation, pre-trial settlement conference, and finally, the trial. This is lawyer country; you can’t go through a contested divorce very effectively without one. It takes lots of time, money and emotional suffering to get through a contested divorce.

Any contested case can become uncontested if one spouse simply drops out of the contest or if the spouses reach an agreement–the earlier, the cheaper. However, when you are represented by attorneys, it is much more difficult to reach agreement. When negotiations are conducted through attorneys, it is typical for a case to drag on and on and run up large attorneys’ fees before it settles.

Advantages to a Legal Contest

It might seem odd after all I’ve said, but there are some advantages to a contested divorce in some cases:

• In high-conflict cases, you can get some restraining orders.
• If your spouse is playing hardball, it may be better to fight rather than give in.
• Fighting is an outlet for or diversion from the pain of divorce.
• Anger and fighting help sever bonds of attachment and affection.
  In some states, there is a chance for material gain–if you win.
• And, finally, some people just feel like fighting.

If you have to fight, Divorce Solutions: How to Make Any Divorce Better (the book from which this article was excerpted) discusses how to run a controlled battle effectively and how to avoid some of the worst disadvantages.

The disadvantages to a legal contest, however, are truly impressive:

• Both sides get drained financially and emotionally.
• Two lawyers double the personalities in the case and increase the complexity of every communication, making settlement much more difficult.
• Kids can get harmed, perhaps permanently; chances for cooperative co-parenting in the future will be seriously impaired.
• Imposed terms are often not adhered to, so you end up in more hassles, spending more money and time on enforcement.
• Your upset becomes entrenched, runs deeper and lasts longer. Since your real goal is to get on with your life, this holds you back and down–perhaps forever.

Now that you know the route around the legal system for a divorce, you are ready for my article Divorce–How to Beat the System.



Copyright 2005 Ed Sherman

Ed Sherman is a family law attorney, divorce expert, and founder of Nolo Press. He started the self-help law movement in 1971 when he published the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and founded the paralegal industry in 1973. With more than a million books sold, Ed has saved the public billions of dollars in legal fees while making divorce go more smoothly and easily for millions of readers. You can order his books from http://www.nolodivorce.com or by calling (800) 464-5502.

September 18th, 2008

Insightful Information about Income Drawdown Pensions - Financial Information

When you get your final working years you don’t have to remove your pension fund at that point in time. As an option, you can delay buying an income until the prime old age of seventy-five years old & if you do so you can find you will get a more rewarding deal. It is referred to as income draw down.

When you are somewhere aged between fifty years old & seventy five you are automatically permitted to postpone the tenure of your pension annuity from one of a number of insurance firms. Instead, you are able to take out as much as one-hundred-and-twenty percent of the pension fund that could have been originally obtained using Government Actuary rates, leaving the remaining cash protected for when you need it. On your side, all you have to do is to guarantee that you purchase an annuity by the point you are seventy five. Receive Independent Financial Advise at firstplacefinancial.co.uk.

Crucially, what would result if you decided to take the income draw down choice, and then passed on? If this did come about then your current partner or those legally responsible would then have three decisions: either agree to a lump sum, after tax at thirty five percent, or persist with financial withdrawal, or getting an annuity pension with the financial resources. Your existing next of kin has until they reach sixty years old to put off the possession of a pension annuity, though no benefits are permitted to be given in the meantime.

Why pick income drawdown? Well essentially because it might end in you earning a more rewarding retirement settlement from your current pension by doing so. Secondly, you can select precisely when you purchase the pension annuity, so if you give up work at a point when the annuity rates are considerable low, waiting may be a smarter decision. If the outstanding investments increase as forecasted, then together with the reality that annuity rates improve with age, you might eventually be able to purchase a better pension than you perhaps would have received at first.

Moreover, it also means that when you leave this life your other half or those legally responsible are covered financially, as they are entitled to the residual stocks & shares, as pointed out before.

There are dangers as a consequence though. If asset performance on the remaining stocks & shares is poor, the level of retirement income provided might lower. And it’s essential to bear in mind that there is no assurance that the pension obtained will eventually be anywhere near the full figure that could have been procured at the kick-off.

September 13th, 2008

Data Backup for Beginners

It’s 10pm. Do you know where your data is?

Data. Small bits of information clustered together to make Word files, documents,pictures, MP3s, HTML etc. We work on our computers every single day never sparing a thought for all those millions of chunks of data spread all over our hard disks. The data is there and it does it’s job.

Until of course the data is not there anymore.

72 hours ago I suffered from massive data loss. There were no hackers involved. No power surges or lightning strikes. Just wear and tear on my hard disk. 20 Gigabytes of business and personal information gone forever. Passwords, HTML files, ebooks all gone. I didn’t lose any sleep though. Why? Simply because this was my secondary hard disk that was only used as a backup drive. All my critically important data is safely stored elsewhere.

Picture this scenario. You sit at your computer, turn it on and nothing. Dead. You’ve just lost everything you’ve worked on for the last 12 months. All your Adwords campaigns, website templates, ebooks, Excel files. Everything. How do you feel? How do you go about recovering?

70% of companies who suffer serious data loss go out of business within 12 months.

The truth is that most people never recover from losing all their data.

What can you do to prevent this happening to you? Backup.Backup. Backup. Use a backup system.

How do I backup my data?

You could use a zip drive, a CDR/DVD writer, a USB drive or an secure online storage service. Using any of the above is far better than using nothing at all and hoping for the best.

Data loss cost US businesses in excess of 18 billion dollars in 2003.

How often should I backup my data?

You should backup all important data on your PC at least once a week. An easy way to do this is to use a rotating backup system. Get 4 blank disks . Label these disks Week 1, Week 2, Week 3 and Week 4. At the start of the month make a fresh copy of all your critical data on the Week 1 disk and continue this process on Week 2, 3 and 4. Following this procedure ensures that no matter what happens your stored data will never be more than 1 week old and you’ll also have 3 other copies of your data stored away that are less than a month old. Simple. Effective.

What software do I need?

Microsoft Windows has its own backup software included. Apple Mac users can take advantage of Apples Backup software and iDisk backup service.

How soon should I do this?

Now. Even using floppy disks start the process of backing up your data today. The sooner you start the safer your data is.

Human error and hardware failure account for 76% of all data loss.

The cost of recovering from a major hardware failure such as a hard disk crash can be massively reduced by keeping a backup of your data.

You’re worked hard to build up your business. Don’t throw all that hard work away by not taking the proper steps to safeguard your critical information.

This article was provided courtesy of BackupAdvice.com where you’ll find lots of useful information on computer backups

September 11th, 2008

Looking for a New Hobby?

In this day and age of high stress jobs, high stress everything, its nice to have something you can do that helps you to both meditate and take it easy. For some needle point is a great hobby, for others quilting does the trick. The great thing about quilting is it’s like knitting mixed with sewing only your sewing squares together to create blankets and table clothes and such. Some people use free quilting patterns they find online and other people take those patterns and use them for inspiration to generate their own designs. With quilting you can mix needle point, knitting and many other art forms together to generate a single quilted blanket. It’s highly meditative and fun.

The beautiful thing about joining the quilting social networking site is that you can do a lot of fun things and completely share your passion with other quilters/members. They have an amazing arsenal of tools that cover all your networking needs including free quilting patterns as a courtesy with your membership. You can also both share your own patterns and download other people’s concepts to make some pretty awesome quilts. The power of networking shows in your finished pieces. What I like a lot about this network of quilters is we all post pictures of our finished works and have friendly competitions to motivate each other to produce the best work we can.

September 10th, 2008

The PS3 Isn’t Just a Game Console

While a new video games console can bring your family entertainment for many hours, picking the wrong one due to bad information can lead to serious disappointment.

Continue Reading September 7th, 2008

Texas Holdem: Watching out for Sucker Hands

A sucker hand in the game of poker is a pocket consisting of a high card paired with a low card. For the beginner or the impatient veteran, a sucker hand can look mighty tempting, as a face card is always pretty. Keep in mind however, that there are at least three others of your rank out there, and who knows how many higher cards there are in everyone else’s hand.

The problem is your low kicker. The kicker is the card in your hand that isn’t paired. If you and another player have a pair of Kings, what decides the winner is who has the higher kicker. If you’ve got a King-two and he’s got a King-ten, you’re out of online poker luck, my friend.

I’m personally guilty of falling in love with an Ace even though it was paired with a weaker card. Sometimes you just get so desperate to see something, anything that looks good, you’ll play a King with a two- bad news. Even if you pair that King, odds are there’s someone at the table with a better kicker. Hence the term “sucker hand”.

Trust me, that King starts looking a lot worse when there’s a two or three next to it. Don’t be a sucker. Know when to dump that sucker hand. You poker play will improve dramatically. Oh, and so will your wallet.

September 3rd, 2008